Pitch
1. Abby Zamora
Abby is my roommate but also a star freshmen on the UNE volleyball team. I think she would be an interesting subject for a profile because not only is she a key player on our team as a first-year, but she is also from Texas and has had a lot of interesting experiences. Athletics are a lot bigger in Texas, and she has experienced many outstanding teams in her career, and is an outstanding player herself.
2. Ian Blanchard
Ian is the head coach of the UNE volleyball team. He would make an interesting subject because for many years he coached D1 volleyball, played D1 volleyball himself, and has seen all there is to see in the volleyball world. He would have a lot to discuss regarding his time as a coach and as a player.
3. Morgan DaSilva
Morgan is one of the athletic trainers here at UNE. She has worked with many different athletes and seen every side of sports there is to see. She would make an interesting subject because of her experiences, and sharing how much she does for the athletics department is important to me.
Outline
Delayed Lead
Nut Graph
Quote
Background
Quote
Theme/Importance of Story
How did the subject get here?
Quote
What’s Next?
Quote
First Draft
As an eight year old girl from southern Texas, Abby Zamora decided to give volleyball a try. It took no time at all for young Zamora to fall in love with the sport, and playing at the next level was her newfound dream.
“After I made varsity in high school, it became about what was next,” Zamora states, “I didn’t want to let this part of my life go and knew I had to keep going.”
Now at 18-years old, Zamora gets to see her dream become a reality. Being a key-player for the University of New England volleyball team, thousands of miles from home, that eight year old girl could not be prouder.
“It was always about making me as a little girl proud, and if she saw me now she would be so proud and in awe of all I’ve done and overcome,” Zamora said.
Being from Texas, also known as one of the best states for volleyball in America, Abby has seen pretty much all there is to see. She’s no stranger to facing difficult competition, high expectations, and pushing the boundaries.
Zamora attended Robert Vela High School in Edinburgh, Texas. Though she had been playing for years prior, she started to face much stronger competition at Vela.
“I was fourteen playing with seventeen year olds, so I was always, not looked down upon, but reminded that I was younger. Because of it I always had to train harder, but it definitely brought my skills and volleyball IQ up.”
Peer Review Draft
2,275 Miles For Volleyball
By Syd Fye
As an eight year old girl from southern Texas, Abby Zamora decided to give volleyball a try. It took no time at all for young Zamora to fall in love with the sport, and playing at the next level was her newfound dream.
“After I made varsity in high school, it became about what was next,” Zamora states, “I didn’t want to let this part of my life go and knew I had to keep going.”
Now at 18-years old, Zamora gets to see her dream become a reality. Being a key-player for the University of New England volleyball team, thousands of miles from home, that eight year old girl could not be more excited.
“It was always about making me as a little girl proud, and if she saw me now she would be so proud and in awe of all I’ve done and overcome,” Zamora said.
Being from Texas, also known as one of the best states for volleyball in America, Abby has seen pretty much all there is to see. She’s no stranger to facing difficult competition, high expectations, and pushing the boundaries.
Zamora attended Robert Vela High School in Edinburgh, Texas. Though she had been playing for years prior, she started to face much stronger competition at Vela.
“I was fourteen playing with seventeen year olds, so I was always, not looked down upon, but reminded that I was younger. Because of it I always had to train harder, but it definitely brought my skills and volleyball IQ up.”
With plenty of ambition, determination, and support, Abby found herself being welcomed into the world of college volleyball.
In October of 2024, Zamora committed to the University of New England. She found out very quickly that the pressure of being such an important player at such a young age would be a continuing theme during her first college season. As a setter, one of the more mentally difficult positions, she knew things wouldn’t be easy.
“It kinda reminds me of when I was in high school, being a freshman starting setter on varsity at just fourteen years old,” Zamora points out, “I keep thinking if I did it back then I can do it now, but in college the stakes are a lot higher.”Knowing the pressure she faces, her family has been such a constant support system, just like they were in her high school years.
“My parents were the ones pushing me to even start volleyball. My mom most of all though, I’m just her baby…”
Zamora’s mom, Jill, has certainly played a big role in her daughter’s journey. Even now when she can’t attend every game due to the distance, her and Abby’s father, “Z”, do everything they can to assure Abby that they are thinking of her.
“It’s such an amazing experience to be able to watch Abby live out her dream, playing collegiate volleyball. We are still in awe of how dedicated she has always been to this sport. Seeing her thrive in New England makes us so proud,” Jill said.
As the UNE Woman’s Volleyball team enters the first round of playoffs, Zamora reflects on balancing being a student athlete.
“School is the main reason I’m here, and I have academic validation as well as athletic validation,” Zamora laughs, “you gotta make time for school, even though it’s tough also learning how to be an adult.”
Though Zamora may seem like she’s adjusted to being an adult with all of her responsibilities, it may come as a shock to what keeps her going through it all. Remembering to hold onto her childhood.
“Holding onto the little bit of childhood and adolescence we still have since we’re in that transitioning stage, it’s tough. But I think I’m doing pretty well,” she remarks.
Peer Review Experience
Max:
What’s Working?
The intro is easy to follow and provides a lot of good background information right off the bat. The placement of the first quote from the subject is great and allows the reader to hear from him pretty early on. After this first quote, there are a lot of hefty ones that follow later in the profile and allow his subject to be the one telling most of the story. All the descriptive sentences set the quotes up well without overdoing it and repeating information.
The flow is overall very smooth and each paragraph is digestible. The subject is well-described and there are minimal “brush strokes” that could be picked up on. As a reader, it feels like I really got to know this subject even though I didn’t know who he was before. It is especially interesting to see the connection the subject has with the Maine Mariners, and really builds the story that this team helped him get to where he is.
Suggestions
The use of the subject’s first name so frequently seems just a little bit too casual, I would suggest referring to him as his last name instead. The last paragraph of the profile could use less explanation for the quote that’s included. The non-quoted section almost seems to repeat what the subject said in a different way. Although I wouldn’t get rid of the entire explanation, it could be less choppy if the quote speaks for itself more. The rest of the quotes have less explanation which makes them a little easier to read.
When there is mention of his interviews with some of the Big D1 athletes, it could be interesting to provide some names of the people he interviewed. This could demonstrate the importance of his job if there are any recognizable athletes. Besides this, there really aren’t many other issues that are clear at the moment, besides some grammatical errors or lack of punctuation.
Khalil:
What’s Working?
Immediately I’m hooked on this story. The intro is well-constructed and the word choices are entertaining. There is a quote very early on that really sets the tone and creates the story that is being told about this subject. It’s clear that this is a feel-good story of pushing the boundaries and never giving up, and including so much of the subject’s early life helps emphasize this theme. All the quotes that were included definitely proved this theme. The subject discusses a lot about how he got to where he is and the effort he put in to get there which fits what the description paragraphs are trying to convey.
Overall, I feel like I really got to know the subject and what has driven him throughout his life. The entire story flows really well and includes all the necessary details that makes it entertaining, especially the word choices used throughout.
Suggestions
All the quotes already in the profile are very strong and useful, but there definitely could be more of them. It seems like the subject isn’t really getting a chance to tell the story himself. Though the description paragraphs are well put together, there should probably be a little less of those and a couple more quotes can explain things on their own. Also referring to the subject as his first name so frequently could be portrayed as too casual, it may be better to say his last name instead. Obviously his first name can still be used, but maybe not as often.
For formatting purposes, I would suggest making the quotes their own paragraphs. This will allow them to stand out and catch the reader’s attention. It gives the subject’s voice a chance to shine a little more instead of hiding among other paragraphs. Otherwise, there is very little that needs to be fixed.
Campbell:
What’s Working?
There’s definitely a lot of good information here. The questions that were asked allows readers to see multiple different sides of the subject. Between her home life, future plans, and experiences at UNE, we will have the opportunity to really learn who this subject is. Including the questions that were asked is a great way to feel like we were a part of the conversation. Also being able to see exactly how the subject responded really humanizes her, and makes her more relatable from the reader’s perspective.
The intro is also pretty solid and easy to follow. Sharing some of her accomplishments and tendencies builds the story of this subject as an athlete and sets up how the rest of the profile will go. It’s interesting to see how the subject is transitioning from college athlete to a potential cop, and this adds to the theme of her life as said athlete.
Suggestions:
I would definitely cut out a lot of the filler sentences that the subject provides. Adding the quotes that make an impact on the story is great, but there are a lot of sentences that seem a little unnecessary to keep. Similarly, putting the entire question that was asked, including words such as “like”, may take away from some of the professionalism. Writing the general question would be better than writing exactly what was said in the interview. I would also emphasize where in the response the subject is talking and when she is being asked follow up questions. It’s hard to tell what she is saying specifically because everything in the response is the same font and size.
Though this profile is set up to demonstrate the whole interview, it could definitely be worth adding a little more storytelling. This would help the flow and make the information a lot easier to follow.
Final Draft
2,275 Miles For Volleyball
By Syd Fye
As an eight year old girl from southern Texas, Abby Zamora decided to give volleyball a try. It took no time at all for young Zamora to fall in love with the sport, and playing at the next level was her newfound dream.
“After I made varsity in high school, it became about what was next,” Zamora states, “I didn’t want to let this part of my life go and knew I had to keep going.”
Now at 18-years old, Zamora gets to see her dream become a reality. Being a key-player for the University of New England volleyball team, thousands of miles from home, that eight year old girl could not be more excited.
“It was always about making me as a little girl proud, and if she saw me now she would be so proud and in awe of all I’ve done and overcome,” Zamora said.
Being from Texas, also known as one of the best states for volleyball in America, Abby has seen pretty much all there is to see. She’s no stranger to facing difficult competition, high expectations, and pushing the boundaries.
Zamora attended Robert Vela High School in Edinburgh, Texas. Though she had been playing for years prior, she started to see what real competition was like at Vela.
“I was fourteen playing with seventeen year olds, so I was always, not looked down upon, but reminded that I was younger. Because of it I always had to train harder, but it definitely brought my skills and volleyball IQ up.”
With plenty of ambition, determination, and support during her high school years, Abby eventually found herself being welcomed into the world of college volleyball.
In October of 2024, Zamora committed to the University of New England. She found out very quickly that the pressure of being such an important player at such a young age would be a continuing theme during her first college season. As a setter, one of the more mentally difficult positions, she knew things wouldn’t be easy.
“It kinda reminds me of when I was in high school, being a freshman starting setter on varsity at just fourteen years old,” Zamora points out, “I keep thinking if I did it back then I can do it now, but in college the stakes are a lot higher.”
Knowing the pressure she faces, her family and friends have been such a constant support system, just like they were in her high school years.
“My parents were the ones pushing me to even start volleyball. My mom most of all though, I’m just her baby…”
Zamora’s mom, Jill, has certainly played a big role in her daughter’s journey. Even now when she can’t attend every game due to the distance, her and Abby’s father, “Z”, do everything they can to assure Abby that they are thinking of her.
“It’s such an amazing experience to be able to watch Abby live out her dream, playing collegiate volleyball. We are still in awe of how dedicated she has always been to this sport. Seeing her thrive in New England makes us so proud,” Jill said.
As the UNE Woman’s Volleyball team enters the first round of playoffs, it’s curious how Zamora has balanced volleyball, missing home, academics, and navigating adulthood all at once.
“School is the main reason I’m here, and I have academic validation as well as athletic validation,” Zamora laughs, “you gotta make time for school, even though it’s tough also learning how to be an adult.”
Though Zamora may seem like she’s adjusted to her new life and of her responsibilities, it should be no shock as to what keeps her going through it all. Remembering to hold onto her childhood.
“Holding onto the little bit of childhood and adolescence we still have since we’re in that transitioning stage, it’s tough. But I think I’m doing pretty well,” she remarks.
Zamora taps into that mindset pretty frequently when she plays, as a little reminder of who she’s doing it all for. A reminder of why she came so far, and plays so hard.
It’s clear that for Zamora, home, family, and memories are of the utmost importance. There is nothing that keeps her going more than knowing she’s making those close to her proud, including her younger self.
Zamora has accomplished a lot in her short time at UNE. Even though she isn’t a hitter, she had 19 kills this season. She ended the season with 258 assists, so it’s safe to say there is plenty to be proud of.
Most recently, she was named Conference of New England Rookie of the Week in early November, which was just one more thing proving to her that she is where she’s meant to be.
“I enjoy this, I did this for myself, and I deserve to be here.”
Reflection
This project was one of my favorites to do, and it came really easy to me. As a writer, I found that choosing a subject I had a connection with allowed me to write stronger. I felt the need to really paint her in the best light I could because I knew her personally and wanted her to have a well-written piece. My interview set me up for success, as I had many quotes that I could use in many different parts of the profile. I will say that I struggled to edit my own piece before getting feedback. Since I wrote it, everything I said made sense to me initially, but some paragraphs became questionable once somebody else had a chance to look over it. Once certain issues with wording or set up were pointed out to me, I very quickly was able to understand the problem and fix it to fit better.
As for peer-editing other work, I felt like I was able to point out a lot of what needed fixing and what was already well done. It was definitely easier to review the work of others and identify necessary changes compared to doing so for my own. I did my best to take my own advice as well, and make sure all of my suggestions to others were things that I did or didn’t do in my own piece. Taking this outside perspective to give feedback to others ultimately helped me finalize my own profile.
Overall, I felt my profile was pretty successful. Unlike other projects, I found that writing this report was fairly simple. My assumption is that since we have practiced many of the main tactics required to write a report, I felt more confident in using them for this profile. If nothing else, I think I’ve allowed my subject a moment to be in a positive spotlight, and to be recognized for her achievements.
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